Happy Autism Acceptance Month! 

I’m a little late to the game but I finally read Helen Hoang’s The Heart Principle and I wanted to get into it a little with you…Even though this is also Quan’s book, I will mostly be focused on the FMC, Anna, since it was her story that resonated with me the most. So let’s start with a little blurb, shall we?

Anna Sun is a violinist that rose to unexpected fame after a YouTube video of her performance went viral. After she returns home from a concert tour she finds herself unable to play without obsessing over mistakes. She knows her family expects nothing less than perfection, especially since she chose a career in music instead of following in her older sister’s footsteps. Not only is Anna’s music now suffering but now her boyfriend wants to “see other people” before settling down. Unable to say no, Anna agrees to an open relationship and decides to take the opportunity to have some fun herself and try searching online for potential hook-up partners. There she meets Quan. 

Quan is dealing with inner struggles of his own. Ever since recovering from a surgery, he’s apprehensive about jumping into any romantic relationship. When he comes across Anna’s dating profile and sees she’s not looking for anything other than a one night stand, he decides he has nothing to lose. But when the first attempt at a hook-up fails, what the heck, just try again right? Okay, second time didn’t work either, let’s try again…Uh-oh, are they catching feelings? And so begins a journey of opening up, sharing struggles and the hope of healing. 

So at first glance, this sounds like many other sweet, quirky rom-coms. It even resembles Kiss Quotient in many ways. But the further I got into it, the more I realized the mood of the book was very different from either Kiss Quotient or Bride Test. In both of the first two books, the MCs on the autism spectrum were more or less self aware having been diagnosed long before their stories began. Anna on the other hand is completely unaware. She is going through life masking and it’s weighing her down towards the brink of destruction. Anna is constantly struggling to please everyone around her, plastering a smile on her face all the while and nobody close to her seems to comprehend that she is on the verge of burnout. 

The Heart Principle is definitely heavier than its sister books, but I think that’s what I love most about it. It shows another side of living on the autism spectrum and how detrimental it can be to not have the support one needs. Anna is held to near impossible standards by her older sister, Pricilla. When those standards are not met, Anna is shamed and berated. She experiences the unbearable pain of knowing love that is very conditional. For this reason, Anna is constantly putting herself to the impossible task of pleasing everyone around her at the expense of her own happiness and mental health. 

I should have picked up this book much sooner. After reading the Kiss Quotient and the Bride Test, I couldn’t wait for the third installment in this series! But when I heard that it was heavier than the other two books, I gave pause. I really wasn’t sure what that meant and if I was ready for it. Perhaps I worried about it hitting too close to home? So I kept putting it off and I wish I hadn’t. 

This book woke up so many dormant feelings inside me. While Anna and I had very different upbringings, I couldn’t help but see so much of myself in her. I spent the majority of my teen years masking and not fully understanding it. I thought I was just “learning”, “getting it together”, “developing awareness” or the worst of all “growing out of it”. I can’t believe that last one ever crossed my mind. You never outgrow autism, you just…continue on living your life however you can manage. I managed a lot through masking. I could see how it made everyone else around me comfortable and happy. I thought by making everyone else around me happy, I could find my own happiness in that. And sometimes I thought I did. But most of the time it just exhausted me. Even though I had some help, I still don’t feel I had all the support I needed to embrace myself in full. I just learned how to hide, as Anna did. And, like her. I’m slowly trying to come out of that as well. 

It was really something to join in on Anna’s journey and to see her diagnosis on the page. I love how even though having the diagnosis helped her make some sense of her life and how her brain works…it wasn’t the instant relief that many other people describe feeling. It wasn’t an instant fix, there was still so much turmoil that I could feel so deep down that I was near tears while reading. A diagnosis definitely helps, but that’s only the beginning. There is still so much to reflect and work on, especially when one has lived their life hiding for so long. And not everyone on the outside is going to accept it and that hurts all the more. 

In the end, this book was a solid five stars for me. It really took a chance in being more angsty than the previous books, and I think it was worthwhile. It really shows the importance of self advocacy, personal responsibility, as well as showing how important support and empathy are to those differently abled. If you haven’t picked this book up yet, I highly recommend it. 

💛 Katie